Downtown Beloved Report

Downtown Beloved Report
By: Miss Annie Pankey

Christmas time in our home of Beloved, Kentucky is always a wonderful time of year.  Us folks who are members of the Beloved Merchants Association voted again to decorate the streets of town before the annual Thanksgiving Day Parade.  We strung a right smart load of lights all up an’ down the street on the trees an’ around windows.  They was all lit up Thanksgiving’ evenin’ after the traditional turkey fry an’ jet turkey races put on by the Pappy Yokum Masonic Lodge #149.  Folks inject a quart of moonshine into a 13 pound turkey and light that thing’s tail. Them turkeys take off like they was scalded dogs!  The best distance this year was a turkey what was brought in by Cousin Peanut Chappell.  His turkey went horizontal quickly thanks to the plastic American flags on each wing an’ flew 47 miles before it run out of fuel.  ‘Course, Cousin Peanut was actually the originator of the flyin’ jet turkey, but that is another story.

Beloved’s Storyteller Laureate, Cousin Stephen Hollen was Santy Claus for the parade again this year.  He always comes down home with his little red wagon and his 8 pet squirrels.  He named them squirrels Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixon, Comet, Cupid, Donner an’ Fluffy.  Storyteller Stephen Hollen has welded 8 little hamster wheels to the pull handle of that wagon an’ them there squirrels pull him all over Beloved dressed like Santy.  Y’all will have to ask him more about that.

The winner of this year’s decoratin’ contest was again the small antique, quilt an’ lace goods shop named “Pankey’s Hankies”.  The owner did a lovely job decoratin’ the window with a marvelous collection of Santy Claus figurines.  It was delightful to see the daffodils forced to bloom from bulbs in the plastic Easter Bunny.  This is the sixth year in a row that fine establishment has won the decoratin’ prize.

Editor’s Note: Miss Pankey is  the owner of Pankey‘s Hankies, and is also the contest chairwoman.